I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
