Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
