I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
