quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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