I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
