so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
