think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
