This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
