Your face is a jimmy john
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
