and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
