Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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