happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Four minutes until I can fart!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Your cock deserves a montage
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
