I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
