Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
kristin has been a bad kristin
please come you make the beer taste better
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
