just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
