We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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