Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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