just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
