Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
