no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
birth control should be required to get into college
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
