Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
