I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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