I think i sorta joined a cult last night
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
