He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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