what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
