I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
