Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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