We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
