So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
