im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
