so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
