You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
