She said her name was "party"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
