Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
