My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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