new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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