I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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