You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
