How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
