Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize