The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
