its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
