i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
