I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize