duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
