I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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