In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
