I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
