o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
