I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
