I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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