We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
