whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
