Screwed.edu
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
