I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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