I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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