the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
