I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
