I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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