I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
