i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
