**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
