She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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