You just made me feel so damn special
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
