yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
