Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i love accidental penises.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
