yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
