Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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