it hurts more in the daytime
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize