he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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