So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
